Re: To The Person Afraid of Love and Commitment,

To The Person Afraid of Love and Commitment,

If like me, you’ve been avoiding love and commitment like the plague for one reason or the other, I want to tell you that you too deserved to be loved… healthily.

After getting hurt one too many times and going through all sorts and degrees of emotional traumas and abuses, some of us enter this state where we still want to feel like we are needed or at least admired, not loved per se, but we just want to feel relevant so we end up making the decision to engage in friends-with-benefits, situationships and other unhealthy ‘ships‘ in between. Hell, some of us even decide to keep a rotation, which isn’t the best option, nor is it healthy, However, to us, it seems like we are guarding our hearts in order to save ourselves the heartbreak.

We all know heartbreaks outside relationships hurt the most, especially those situationships. Or is it just me?…. Ookayy.

Whatever the case is, it is absolutely okay to get burned during the process. Besides, there’s no smooth path in life. Breakups and emotional traumas, albeit difficult to overcome, are most essential on the journey to becoming your own person and learning what your boundaries should be, as well as what you want and what you don’t in relationships and in your daily life.

You deserve to be loved. You deserve to be obsessed over. You deserve to be spoilt with affection; to be given that princess or prince treatment – men deserve flowers too. Dissolve your rosters or rotations and give yourself a genuine shot at love. Once you open your heart to loving and healthy relationships with someone who is going to value you and see your worth for themselves, instead of asking what you bring to the table on the first date, things will start looking up for you.

WARNING: You will still get burned.

You still meet men who come across as green flags but once you talk to them for a week or two, you realise that they are the absolute WORST at communicating and being transparent and will not tell you the basics even when you do ask. You just may start feeling empty, regretting your decision to put yourself out there, you may ask yourself if you are actually the problem or you may even cry out of frustration but keep your head in the game; don’t let them bring you down or second guess whatever decision you have made.

That being said, prioritise yourself, stick to the plan and do not give yourself to anyone until they have proved themselves to be worthy of you as a green flag; understanding, a good communicator, and a transparent and supportive partner. When that healthy love finally finds you, put your back into loving the person; be a green flag to them, instead of a red flagged bull and reciprocate the energy and love you are being shown. Do not let the love be one-sided.

So love; love like your life depends on it. Love like there’s no tomorrow. Love like you can’t breathe but never forget your boundaries. You only live once, my love.

All the best in your endeavours, loves . I hope you find the right person.

I am not a guru, I am just a girl who seeks some healthy loving.

Love,

Yoonee.