How To Identify Texting Anxiety, Misconceptions and Dealing With It

You know that feeling where you text a love interest and expect a reply within a minute but when they don’t, you get worried restless and basically don’t know what to do with yourself?

Or that feeling where you have sent a text over 30 to an hour ago and are panicking about getting a reply, so you force yourself to bed in order to reduce the amount of time you have to wait?

This is ‘Texting Anxiety’ and hypervigilance, where people get anxious over texts and replies, most especially with their partners or love interests and yes, it is a real thing. I know it all too well because I, for one, go through it almost every time I start talking to someone new or someone that I really like.

“If a man can go all day without texting, he doesn’t love you. You should read the signs and leave”, they say. People make texting anxiety out to be a bad thing when it really isn’t. It’s because you’re human and have emotions, you’re able to feel all these and even go to the extent of crying when it gets too much to handle.

As someone who overthinks and has texting and separation anxiety, I used to check my phone seconds after sending a text and I’d cry if I saw that they had probably been online but didn’t check my texts. The feelings that always lingered when that happened were a deep sense of loneliness, emptiness and our very own, anxiety and of course, when that happened, it was difficult to make me happy or take my mind off it until they texted.

When this happens, instead of spiraling, overthinking and forcing yourself to bed, like I used to, go for a walk. Listen to some music, clean your room or apartment, listen to some music or journal. Make sure you’re in a calm state and challenge your mind;

‘What am I really afraid of? Is it the inconsistency? The situation? or is it a fear of rejection from said person?‘

Otherwise, your brain will go into overdrive thinking about how to please this person and getting them to text you. Whatever the answer is, you have to find comfort in it. Get used to the feeling, focus on your duties and little by little, you’ll be fine.

The self appointed gurus, most especially on tiktok, make clickbait videos about leaving if a man can go all day without texting cause he clearly isn’t interested but think about it like this; Before this person met you, he had a dynamic; a way of doing things, work, and even his pre existent problems. You can’t just waltz into his life and expect him to share his demons with you after a day or two; he has to trust you first. In some cases, it is just their inconsistency showing through the cracks (ghosting for days or months and coming back after) and that we abhor, I agree you should run away from them.

However, when he barely texts you but still manages to show up for you all the time in meaningful ways, doesn’t let you lack or want anything; emotional or in some cases, material, he’s a keeper.

At the end of the day the only question you should ask yourself, like I mentioned earlier, is ‘How does he show up for me?’ because it’s not about the quantity of texts exchanged, but the quality of time spent together. That’s what’s important, so next time you feel anxious about a text, you know what to do but none of this matters if you are not choosing yourself.

Do not let texting anxiety and hypervigilance ruin something potentially beautiful for you because no matter how secure you are, you will always have anxiety about one thing or the other and it’s only human.

I’m not a guru, just a girl with anxiety issues.