Breaking Free from the Push-Pull Method

I think I speak for everyone when I say at least once in our lives, we have all experienced this thing where we start talking to someone new and just when everything is going well, they go ghost mode on us for days and days on end, only to return to us with some measly excuse and we still take them back. Sound familiar?

Let’s dive into the push-pull method—one of those sneaky relationship mind games that can leave you confused, frustrated, and even doubting yourself. But don’t worry, we’re about to break it all down, so you’ll know exactly what’s going on and how to handle it like the queen you are.

What Is the Push-Pull Method?

The push-pull method is basically an emotional rollercoaster. Someone (usually a love interest) will shower you with all the love and attention in the world one minute, and then, just like that, they’ll pull away and act distant. It’s like they’re playing this game where they push you close, make you feel super special, and then suddenly pull back so you start missing them—hard. The goal? To keep you hooked and thinking about them all the time.

And let’s be real: while this is something people often pin on guys, girls can be just as guilty of it too.

How It Usually Plays Out

The Push: They’re sending good morning texts, liking all your posts, making plans to hang out, and basically giving you the VIP treatment. You’re on cloud nine, thinking, “Wow, they really like me!”
The Pull: Out of nowhere, they start acting cold. Suddenly, the texts slow down, they cancel plans, or they’re just… distant. You’re left wondering what you did wrong or why they’ve changed.
The Cycle: Just when you’re ready to move on or call them out, they swoop back in with the love and attention again. And the cycle starts all over. Sound familiar?

Why They Do It

Honestly, it’s about control. By creating this back-and-forth dynamic, they keep you guessing and craving their attention. It’s a power play, whether they realize it or not. They want you to miss them, to think about them, and to keep chasing that “push” moment when everything felt perfect. It makes them feel…relevant.

How It Affects You

Let me tell you, sis, this game is not good for your mental health. Here’s what it can do:

Make you feel insecure or like you’re not enough.
Keep you overanalyzing every little thing you said or did.
Create an emotional dependency where you’re always waiting for their next move.
Steal your peace of mind because you’re constantly second-guessing the relationship.

How to Break Free

Now for the good part—how to get off this emotional rollercoaster and take back your power:

Recognize the Game: The first step is realizing what’s happening. If their behavior feels like a pattern of intense love followed by distance, it’s not you—it’s them playing games.
Don’t Chase: When they pull away, resist the urge to run after them. I know it’s hard, but chasing them gives them the control they’re looking for. Instead, focus on yourself and your own happiness. ‘I don’t chase, I attract’ plays its role here because whatever is meant for you will eventually find you. You don’t need to force things.
Set Boundaries: If they keep playing games, let them know you’re not about that life. Something as simple as, “I’m looking for consistency, not confusion,” can go a long way.
Invest in You: Channel all that energy you’d spend worrying about them into yourself. Treat yourself to some self-care, hang out with friends, or dive into a hobby you love. Remember, you’re the prize—not them.
Know When to Walk Away: If they’re not willing to change or meet you halfway, it’s okay to let them go. Someone who truly values you will never play games with your emotions. It’s no more ‘If they wanted to, they would.’ It is the era of ‘If they don’t, someone else will.’

Baby, you deserve love that’s real, consistent, and drama-free. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you have to earn their affection or chase after it. Relationships are meant to build you up, not tear you down. So, if you ever find yourself caught in the push-pull cycle, take a step back, remember your worth, and choose peace over games.

You’ve got this. And remember: the right person won’t play games with your heart—they’ll protect it.