Your Standards Aren’t Too High—You’ve Just Outgrown Settling

Are your standards really too high… or have you just been conditioned to believe you deserve less?

They told you your standards were too high, but maybe they just couldn’t reach them. And maybe you started believing them. That asking for honesty, consistency, or bare minimum effort was somehow “too much.” But what if you’ve simply been outgrowing settling?

Let’s get one thing clear: there is no such thing as “too high” if you can meet the standard. If you ask for loyalty, you give it. If you want consistency, you practice it. If you want a soft life, you’re building one.

So is it that your standards are unreasonable? Or have you just been conditioned to expect crumbs and call it a feast?

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You Were Taught to Be Grateful for Bare Minimums

Some of us were raised to associate love with struggle. To celebrate potential instead of patterns. To mistake attention for intention. And when someone came along and gave a little more than the bare minimum, it felt like a blessing. So we clung. We compromised. We tried to earn love instead of receiving it.

But here’s the thing about outgrowing settling: having standards isn’t about being “hard to please.” It’s about recognizing your worth — and refusing to trade your peace for someone else’s comfort.

You don’t need to shrink to fit someone’s half-hearted effort. You don’t need to settle just because someone finally chose you. You’re allowed to choose yourself more.

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If You Can Meet It, You Can Require It

I used to accept emotional breadcrumbs — tiny gestures, half-hearted attention, inconsistent effort — and convinced myself it was enough. That being “understanding” meant tolerating anxiety, silence, and guessing games. I’d tell myself, They’re just busy or Maybe I’m asking for too much.

But emotional safety? That’s not too much. That’s survival. And now, it’s a non-negotiable.

I require people in my life — whether lovers, friends, or even collaborators — to see me, hear me, and show up for me. Not sometimes. Not when it’s convenient. Consistently. And with care.

The same goes for the spaces I work and speak in. There was a time I muted myself to keep the peace — diluted my brilliance, softened my opinions, and became smaller just to be accepted. Now? I’ve stopped shrinking.

My voice deserves room. My ideas deserve space. And if a workplace or room doesn’t recognize that, I leave. Yes, I’ve walked away from roles that didn’t nourish me. I may be called a job hopper, but the truth is: I choose my mental health over titles. I regret none of it.

Because I no longer prove my worth. I protect it. I honor it. I live in alignment with it.

And here’s what I’ve learned: if I can meet a standard, I have every right to require it. I don’t demand what I can’t offer. I don’t ask for castles while building huts. I am the consistency I crave. I am the emotional safety I offer. I am the respect I expect. And yes—I spend on myself the way I once wished they would. The love I thought I needed from others? I give it to me now, fully and freely.

I no longer wait to be chosen. I choose me. Loudly. Unapologetically. First.

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Outgrowing Settling Is Not Arrogance—It’s Awareness

People will try to humble you for having standards. They’ll say you’re “too picky,” “too independent,” or “too full of yourself.” But what they really mean is: they’re no longer able to benefit from your self-abandonment.

Outgrowing struggle, chaos, and confusion doesn’t make you arrogant. It makes you aware.

You’ve become aware of how you deserve to be treated. Aware of what no longer feels good in your body. Aware of how often you used to shrink to keep others comfortable. Aware of the ways you once equated love with sacrifice.

Now? You’ve simply raised the price of access. And not because you think you’re better than anyone — but because you’ve learned not everyone deserves front-row seats to your becoming.

You’ve paid for your peace with tears, late-night overthinking, self-doubt, and silent prayers. You’ve fought for this version of you. And you’re not giving her away to people who refuse to grow.

This isn’t about ego. It’s about evolution.

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A Final Note: To the You Who’s Still Unsure

You are not asking for too much. You’re just asking the wrong person.

Before you expect anyone else to show up for you, you must first show up for yourself. Pour into you. Provide for you. Love you. And don’t stop — not even when others fall short.

The right one — the one who sees how you care for yourself, who recognizes your standard of self-respect — will rise. They will do better because you’ve shown them how. Because you’ve made it clear that half-love, half-recognition, and halfway effort aren’t welcome here.

You don’t breadcrumb yourself anymore. And because of that, no one else gets to, either.

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P.S. If this message stirred something in you, you might want to circle back to read this blogpost: Choose Yourself.

 And if you’re on a journey back to yourself, you’ll love my journal: 100 Days of Loving Yourself: A Journey to Self-Love and Confidence — a safe space to reconnect, reflect, and rebuild your sense of self day by day.